How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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