there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
