We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
