wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
