You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
