the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
