i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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