I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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