I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
