shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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