i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
