Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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