Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
