Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's blow job season.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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