It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
