i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
