Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
