he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
