And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
