dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
