She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
FUCK WHALES
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
