I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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