Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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