Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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