I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize