lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
