he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize