I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
