if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Randomize
