He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
