I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Barsexuality is the new black.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
