Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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