It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
