I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Four minutes until I can fart!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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