it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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