So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
