Cold hands, warm shart.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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