I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize