i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
