dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
