Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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