Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
