Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
