Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
