My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
