While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
