don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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