you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
