Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
