i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wish there were birth control emojis
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
