What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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