if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
