The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
