Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
