You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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