So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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