just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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