btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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