There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
