Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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