my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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