Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
