so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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