Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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