Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
