Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
