I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
