I think I won the penis lottery.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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