I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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