A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My breasts were aching with rage.
Randomize
