i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
