The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
