Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
