Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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